Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[DaveB]

Many years ago a colleague of mine announced his engagement. His married best friend blurted "I presume you've already had all the sex you will ever want?"

We had a young Germán couple move in across the road from us.
I explained the jelly bean jar to them.
Before you get married, every time you have sex you put a jelly bean in the jar.
After you get married every time you have sex you take one out.
You will never empty the jar.

 

[Miki]

Doctor, doctor, I've been bitten by a wolf.

Where ?

No, just one of the ordinary ones.

 

[Miki]

 

[Tazzieman]

Toilet humour!

 

[Arkaig]

 

[DenisM]

View attachment 7820708

If the song is played backwards on the turntable, the truck comes back, the dog rises from the dead and the woman comes home...

 

[DenisM]

Footwear known elsewhere as a "flip flop" , is universally referred to in Australia as a "thong" ... it is a much underrated but essential item of equipment with a utility factor only limited by one's imagination... hence this application

 

[DaveB]

Footwear known elsewhere as a "flip flop" , is universally referred to in Australia as a "thong" ... it is a much underrated but essential item of equipment with a utility factor only limited by one's imagination... hence this applicationView attachment 7820750

broken down into two main groups.
Pluggers & double pluggers.

 

[emax]

That's just brutal

Reality is brutal.

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Fab]

On windwards coasts it's hard to find a beach without flip flops.
This year I have made use of that, because I lost a piece of rubber that I made to prevent the noise from the helper springs when driving off road.

 

[DaveB]

 

[Arkaig]

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

 

[bigleonski]

Wasn’t sure if I should put this in here or the Dog thread:

 

[Logsplitter]

Our next dog will be a cattle dog. Smart and hard as nails

 

[bigleonski]

Our next dog will be a cattle dog. Smart and hard as nails

As long as you have some space, and time to spend with it.
They also can be buggers around the house, and don’t generally play well with others. Very much a working dog.

Are there many Aussie Blue Heelers in the UK @Logsplitter ?

 

[Logsplitter]

As long as you have some space, and time to spend with it.
They also can be buggers around the house, and don’t generally play well with others. Very much a working dog.

Are there many Aussie Blue Heelers in the UK @Logsplitter ?

Yes a couple of good breeders we have visited and fully aware of the breed characteristics. We’ve had Malinois, Bull terriers and collies and I think the cattle dogs have the characteristics of all three

 

[bigleonski]

Blue dogs (red ones) are pretty special as well. A friend has three of them - they are bloody nightmares.

 

[Pat-Ard]

 

[Tazzieman]