Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[Tazzieman]

It's 1/2 time at the John Cleese show in town. He's gone for a piss , says" it takes about 25 minutes these days."
Of the plethora of jokes that he's spewing out like Mr Creosote, here's a good one.
"What's the definition of a Scottish gentleman?
- A chap who knows how to play the bagpipes , but doesn't"

God bless the old fkker!

2nd half will be audience questions rude and irreverent he insists.

 

[Tazzieman]

Another one from John Cleese's repertoire. I've no doubt @Bushguide and others have heard this one.

2 men are venturing through the remote jungles of north in Australia when one of them needs to take a slash. He pulls out his willy and at that moment, a venomous snake rushes up his leg and bites his todger. Somewhat panicked, he turns to his mate who happens to be carrying a satellite phone. His mate phones the Royal Flying Doctor Service for advice.

The doctor says it is impossible to land anywhere near where they are and furthermore the need for treatment is urgent. He tells him he must make a small incision in his mate’s now swollen member and suck the poison out.
The guy rushes back to the stricken comrade, who cries out “and what did the doctor say?”

His mate “He said you’re gunna die”

 

[YellowLab]

 

[Arkaig]

.

 

[YellowLab]

 

[Arkaig]

 

[YellowLab]

 

[IG_in_AZ]

One for the Gen-X'ers:

 

[IG_in_AZ]

 

[Miki]

My neighbour was killed in a freak accident by an automatic gate. Lots of his friends have left flowers at the scene.

They are a moving tribute.

 

[Tazzieman]

Business idea anyone?

 

[Tazzieman]

 

[Arkaig]

 

[DaveB]

View attachment 7821702

There are only 5 bananas
The other is an apple that identifies as a banana

 

[Miki]

Did the proof reader change career to become the INEOS auxilliary battery circuit designer ?

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Arkaig]

 

[DaveB]

Range Rover owner I bet

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AGSMJojAM4

 

[Krabby]

Improvise, adapt, and overcome.

 

[Arkaig]