Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[DaveB]

My Father-In-Law, who started his adult life as a Ukrainian cobbler, ended up with at least a working knowledge of Ukrainian, Polish, Russian, German and English. The war meant he was forcibly inducted in the German army, (Waffen SS), and ended up interned in Rimini by the Free Poles. Given an hour to decide whether he wanted to go to Stalin's Soviet Union, Canada or the UK, he ended up in a Displaced Persons camp at Redmile in the Vale of Belvoir as directed labour for the Ministry of Food. He eventually worked for British Rail for 30+ years as a trackman.

He had an interesting turn of phrase, "get harvest in when harvest ready", "you catch more (wasps) with honey than vinegar".
When the double glazing salesman called and asked if he wanted windows, he said, ".....but I got windows!"
When the Mormons called and suggested he come to Jesus, ".........hang on while I pack". (Caused chaos as he was an Eastern rite Catholic).

He got dementia in the end and lost his languages in reverse order of learning them, so lost English first, so for a while we spoke in German, (which I am terrible at!) Thankfully the local NHS had Russian, Polish and Ukrainian speakers.

When I was young we all thought my PA ( Mums father) was crazy and has a speech problem.
Turns out he was from Wales and didn't like the Englanders.
He could speak english but preferred his native language.

 

[DaveB]

I hope you don‘t get me wrong, since this is an international forum…

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I try to learn basic phrases and words whenever I travel as i find the locals appreciate that you are making and effort.
It helps we learnt Latin at school. Along with French, German and Indonesian.
I had to help out a bunch of tourists trying to catch a train in Italy.
They wanted to go to Florence and couldn't find the right platform.
I pointed out the train to Firenza and they thought I was crazy. They asked my why the Italians didn't use the correct name.

 

[Jiman01]

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Tazzieman]

 

[Miki]

My mates dad went to one of those suicide clinics in Switzerland.

On the day they gave him Cheerios for breakfast.

 

[Pat-Ard]

 

[DaveB]

 

[DaveB]

 

[Jiman01]

 

[Jiman01]

 

[DaveB]

 

[Tazzieman]

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There were several kids in my class who thought spelling was a joke and waste of time.
A fool and his money are soon parted was a saying I learnt around 10 years of age.

 

[Max]

View attachment 7843477

Read it again...and there is a typo in there also...the guy who was robbed was in his 30s

 

[Max]

 

[bigleonski]

Love how you always come home with me even when i treat you bad.
Love how you never complain and are eager to head off into the wilds.
Love how you don't care that i'm an old ugly cranky bugger.
love how you purr after i service you and never complain when its been a while.
Love how your willing and eager to let me drive you hard even when your not feeling the best.
Rest assured no one can ever replace you in my heart and even though you may be past your prime we will be together to the end.

 

[bigleonski]

Imagine we lived in a world where all cars were EVs, and then along comes a new invention, the "Internal Combustion Engine"! Think how well they would sell: A vehicle half the weight, half the price that will almost quarter the damage done to the road. A vehicle that can be refuelled in 1/10th of the time and has a range of up to 4 times the distance in all weather conditions. It does not rely on the environmentally damaging use of non-renewable rare earth elements to power it, and use far less steel and
other materials. Just think how excited people would be for such technology, it would sell like hot cakes!

 

[Tazzieman]

Imagine we lived in a world where all cars were EVs, and then along comes a new invention, the "Internal Combustion Engine"! Think how well they would sell: A vehicle half the weight, half the price that will almost quarter the damage done to the road. A vehicle that can be refuelled in 1/10th of the time and has a range of up to 4 times the distance in all weather conditions. It does not rely on the environmentally damaging use of non-renewable rare earth elements to power it, and use far less steel and
other materials. Just think how excited people would be for such technology, it would sell like hot cakes!

Imagine a passenger vehicle that could refuel for free by the side of the road and go offroad without 40 inch tyres and a massive V8. A vehicle that you never had to register or service.

Oh it's been and gone. Just before my time, but not my dad's.

 

[Krabby]

Imagine a passenger vehicle that could refuel for free by the side of the road and go offroad without 40 inch tyres and a massive V8. A vehicle that you never had to register or service.

Oh it's been and gone. Just before my time, but not my dad's.

 

[Jiman01]