Chuckle in Your Day! (AKA the joke thread)

[Arkaig]

 

[bigleonski]

We bought a ticket to Johnnie's show in July

I didn’t know he was touring again.

He must have another divorce to pay for.

 

[Barney]

Gender-equitable job offers:
Gender-fair language: Rector Rectorin (principal) Rectum.

 

[Barney]

A 50-year-old goes to confession: "Last night I had uninhibited sex with an 18-year-old." The priest: "Take seven large lemons, squeeze their juice into a glass and drink it empty in one gulp!" "And that washes away my sins, Father?" "No, but it wipes that stupid grin off your face."

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Wayneos]

 

[ECrider]

.

 

[emax]

The schoolmistress in class: "If there are three birds sitting on a branch and I shoot one down, how many will still be sitting there?
Little Fritz answers: "None at all, teacher!"
"But why?"
"If you shoot one down, it will fall and the others will flutter away in fright!"
The schoolmistress: "Hm, that wasn't the answer I was expecting. But I like the way you think."

To which Little Fritz replies, "I also have a riddle for you: There are two women sitting in an ice cream parlor. One is biting and one is sucking her ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher blushes, thinks about it and says, "The one who sucks her ice cream?"
Little Fritz: "No, the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

 

[Pat-Ard]

Son bull to father bull. „Look down in the valley, there are many crispy cows. Let‘s run down and f* one of them.“
Father bull to son bull. „No, let‘s go down slow and f* them all.“

 

[Barney]

Did you see how the perpetrator attacked and murdered your mother-in-law?" "Yes, I did." "And why didn't you help?" "I wanted to at first, but then I saw that he can manage on his own!

 

[Davman]

What do you do if you see your Mother in Law staggering around the backyard?

Reload.

 

[Wayneos]

 

[Tazzieman]

 

[Tazzieman]

 

[Tazzieman]

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[Tazzieman]

 

[Arkaig]

 

[Krabby]

Lots of Americans see it the same light.

 

[Krabby]

 

[DaveB]

View: https://youtube.com/shorts/bXnCeiEviqs?feature=share